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Today, a couple of things happened...

Today, a couple of things happened that I didn't like.

First, I had a difficult session with a couple I work with. Second, bitcoin surged and I was left on the sidelines.


And when those things happened, I quickly went to the places that I go to when things happen like that.


I had thoughts of whether I should be a therapist, of if I’d chosen the wrong career path, of what a sorry excuse for a person I must be, of everybody else in the world basking in the glory of bitcoin money while I stand sorry and empty-handed on the sidelines, of whether I should be living somewhere else. The usual. 


And, this time, I saw that I went to those places. Those self-absorbed places that make the world small and turn me into the focus of the world and make me feel bad to boot. 


You see, generally I don’t see that I go to those places. 


I just go to them. 


And then I live out of them. I live out of them without really realizing that I’m living out of them. And, if I do realize it, then I live out of them as if they were the only place in the world to be, and certainly the most natural places in the world to be, considering those bad things that happened that I mentioned above. 


Anyway, this time, I saw that I went to them. 


And I also saw that, eventually, I would move past them, or they would move past me. After a couple of hours, or a couple of days, I would right the ship again. Or the ship would right itself. What I’m trying to say, is that that waters would calm down before too long. 


And not just that, but they would calm down and effectively nothing will have changed. 


It’s not like I will have stopped being a therapist, or stopped being a person, or stopped living in Turkey, or put all my money in bitcoin, or threw all my money away in a fit of rage. 


I would come back to exactly, precisely, where I was. And life would look very much like it did before I went to that other place and paid with my time and energy to hang out there. 


So, this time, knowing that it was just a matter of time before it would pass, I sort of decided to not go there. Or, to be maybe more precise, I decided to not follow my thoughts that we’re going there and to not live out of those thoughts as if it were the true and right and only place to live. 


I didn’t necessarily stop my reactivity, I just didn’t follow it as far as I would have, and I didn’t take it on as the fullness my experiencing the way that I normally do. 


And so that’s what happened, and that’s where I almost went, and instead of going there, I’m here, writing this, and not there, doing that. 


I don't always have to go where I'm inclined to go. And you don't, either. If going there feels bad, looks bad, time and again doesn't result in any degree of noticeable change, and is going to fade away soon enough anyhow, then why go at all? 

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