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Being the Location of Our Own Well-Being: An Investigation

How is one to go about writing about something that he doesn't understand? Something that he hasn't experienced? Further, how is he to go about teaching it, living it, creating it, instilling it - in himself and, to the degree that they are receptive and interested and willing and committed - others? The more I taste, however faintly, however discreetly, however fleetingly, Bruce's view of the world, the more I realize how completely foreign it is to me. And, I presume, to much of, the vast majority of, our culture.  When I taste it, I like the flavor. But then I spit it out. If I swallow it, it only seems to be in small amounts; amounts that are then fully absorbed by the normal, habitual, familiar processes of my mental and emotional tract.  Words can be written so simply, so effortlessly, and then go off utterly uncomprehended but nonetheless loudly wielded by those who come across them. I know, because I am one of the word-sword bearers.   There are fundamentally...
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James-ism #1 (On How We Involve Ourselves)

No matter how strong our habits of involvement are, each moment of involvement is a choice. - James Low "Involvement" is the way we "involve ourselves" in what is happening. It refers to the manner in which we "show up." At every moment, we are showing up in some way. We are "involving ourselves" in what is happening, in each moment, moment after moment. There is no choice to not show up. Even turning away or closing down are ways of showing up.  Much of the time, we are not aware of how we are showing up (of how we are involving ourselves). Our behaviors and characterological patterns, deeply embedded as they are, carry themselves into each fresh instance of life. Those patterns transpose themselves onto and insert themselves into this never-before-experienced moment.  We then end up showing up in familiar and predictable ways. "Oh, that is Trevor. That is what he does." But am I really doing it? Or is it doing me ? Beyond a lack of aw...

Grin and Bear it - The Beauty of Patience

Patience is a virtue, so we've been told. That which allows us to not give in before we get to where we're going. But that's not the whole story. Patience is more than that. The phrase "grin and bear it" gets closer to the heart of patience. "Grin" - a genuine grin - is a sign of joy.  And one part of patience is joy. And joy is only found in one place - here and now. Therefore, patience is the willingness to meet our existence, precisely as it is, in the here and now, with a smile.  It's an attitude of "yes." Patience prioritizes this attitude over our preferences.  We may not 'like' what we find in the here and now, but that doesn't stop us from saying 'yes' to it. It is the attitude of "ok, hi, nice to meet you" whether we actually enjoy meeting you or not.  We consciously bring this attitude into any situation that we happen upon, or that happens upon us. And then there is the aspect of patience that we cou...

Bruce-ism #3 (On Boundaries)

The best boundary is to develop the capacity to maintain the awareness of being an emotionally separate person while relating to somebody who is very important to us and is going to affect us. There are physical boundaries and emotional/psychological boundaries. Physical boundaries are fairly cut and dry. They clearly distinguish me from you, and you from me. I can never "get inside of you" and experience what it is like to be you from the inside out. I can't physically merge with you to the point that my own self disappears.  Further, it is obvious when you violate my physical boundary, and it is obvious when I violate yours. If you do something to my body without my consent - or with my active dissent - you are violating my physical boundary. And, obviously, vice-versa. So, a physical boundary isn't necessarily something we do , it is something that simply  is . I have my body, and my physical boundary is where my body ends. If my body-boundary is at risk of being v...

Bruce-ism #2 (On Emotional Reactivity)

A view to consider is that any emotional reactivity I experience is best related to as 100% about my relationship with my own core, life-long vulnerabilities. - Bruce Tift I love Taylor Swift. She has a lot of great songs. She also has at least one terrible one . The chorus to the atrocity in question goes something like, "Look what you made me do. Look what you just made me do. Look what you made me do. Look." It is very bad. But, it does illustrate (repeatedly and annoyingly) a pervasive attitude that plagues us moderns; namely, the view that other people make us feel and do whatever it is that we feel and do. "I didn't want to, I wasn't going to, I wouldn't have, but... Well... YOU. You did that thing, and now I have to do this thing. This thing that, by the way, I swear is very unlike me to do." It's dramatic. I guess it's compelling. And it certainly lets us off the hook. The moment I make you out to be responsible for my behavior, I can a...

Today, a couple of things happened...

Today, a couple of things happened that I didn't like. First, I had a difficult session with a couple I work with. Second, bitcoin surged and I was left on the sidelines. And when those things happened, I quickly went to the places that I go to when things happen like that. I had thoughts of whether I should be a therapist, of if I’d chosen the wrong career path, of what a sorry excuse for a person I must be, of everybody else in the world basking in the glory of bitcoin money while I stand sorry and empty-handed on the sidelines, of whether I should be living somewhere else. The usual.   And, this time, I saw that I went to those places. Those self-absorbed places that make the world small and turn me into the focus of the world and make me feel bad to boot.   You see, generally I don’t see that I go to those places.  I just go to them.  And then I live out of them. I live out of them without really realizing that I’m living out of them. And, if I do realize it, t...

Life in Istanbul

A cacophony of stimulation. Hustle and bustle. Endless sounds. Bells and whistles.  Life.  Steaming, teeming life.  The relentless appearance of life from all angles, towards all aims, at all times. I have been overwhelmed by so many things. Overwhelmed with fascination, with awe, with inspiration, with mystery. Overwhelmed with stress, with claustrophobia, with the unknown. Overwhelmed with overwhelm.  Is that a problem? Of course not.  In Buddhism, this would all be seen as the manifestation of openness. Openness surrounds us, all of us, always. But most of us are so tied to the familiar - to our routines, to our beliefs, to our friendships, to our language, to our hobbies - that we are able to turn away from openness. We close ourselves down, hammer ourselves in, narrow our field of vision.  But then you come to a place like Istanbul. And you stay.  And you stay some more.  And the daily mystery arising out of openness appears without regard to...